Coffee Talk 2/11/09 "He's Just Not That Into You"

He's just not that into you.

If you're reading this then you've survived - or relished in - another Valentine's Day. While a growing counter movement might be reclaiming February 14th as Singles Awareness Day, the fact remains that Valentine's as a holiday has for most of our collective lives been about red roses, chocolates in heart-shaped boxes, and singing gorillas. We know to some degree, whether we subscribe or not, WHAT Valentines should look like and HOW it should be celebrated. Too often the WHY of Valentine's Day - WHY we celebrate on February 14th or WHY the holiday means so much - goes unexamined. Like many holidays, Valentine's is celebrated because we've always celebrated it. From the moment we dropped our Transformer or Care Bear cardboard valentines into shoeboxes covered in pink and red construction paper we were being conditioned to be zealous celebrators of the commercialization of LOVE.

And with those first valentines sent and received it's possible that we had an early introduction to what it means to be rejected. You know what I'm talking about: noticing that "so-and-so" or "what's his face" got more valentines and conversation hearts than you did. Or being acutely aware that some of your peers were very selective about the kind of valentines they gave you ("Let's BEE Friends") This played out until about fifth grade, when puberty kicked in and expressions of love in the form of Disney-themed valentines taped to the back of suckers became dangerous and beneath us. Then the rejection of our childhood was outdone by the rejection of our early and late teens.

Rejection is tough my friends. It cuts deep, especially when all we want is someone to take us out for a romantic dinner at Olive Garden on February 14th. After being rejected so many times one may start to think that they have only themselves to blame, that they must be flawed. Certainly we each have a "personal responsibility" for quelling our loneliness, but not being able to "couple on command" isn't a sign we're worthless - right?

In reality, being rejected may simply have more to do with the fact that, "he's just not that into you." I mean, why does it always have to be about you? Maybe that guy didn't want to go on a date with you because he had a terrible bikini waxing accident and doesn't want to be put in a situation that needs explaining. Maybe "what's his face" wasn't receptive to your passes because he's straight, or he's only into dating third or fourth cousins. Maybe the reason "so-and-so" didn't call you back is because he's just not that into you. Perhaps, and I don't think it's a stretch, not being paired up on Valentine's Day DOESN'T mean you're worthless. It may just be that the Valentine's Day is a crock. We should give some hard thought to why we celebrate, and how February 14th could be a real celebration of the many kinds of loves that are out there for us and others.


contributed by: Josh Newbury, The Moderator of Coffee Talk.